GICL: Pretty Funny

 

When we knew we were taking the volunteer position here this summer, I had more than one friend express interest in hearing the nitty-gritty details about park visitors and their crazy antics. To that end, I have kept notes along the way, recording incidences of funny business, both of the ha-ha and facepalm varieties. I will include corresponding photos where I can, otherwise I will intersperse random pretty pictures that haven’t made their way to the blog yet. Before I get to it, though, I want to say that by and large the folks we’ve encountered this summer have been respectful, interested, and engaged. If any of you have worked with the public, you don’t need me to tell you that they can also be exasperating, fascinating, confusing, and pretty darn funny.

They are also, sooner or later, us.

 I asked a young woman if she had a National Parks Pass. “Oh, no,” she replied, “I’m from Oklahoma.”

 There are only a few rules for visiting the cliff dwellings, but one of the big ones is NO FOOD OF ANY SORT is permitted to go up due to our destructive pack rats. Each and every one of us workers makes this very, very clear before we send folks on their way. While I was in one of the caves one day answering several questions a nice couple had about the dwellings, the woman suddenly starts pawing through her backpack and exclaims to her husband, “Oh no, you left the zipper open!” then turns to me and says, “I’m sorry, but you’re probably going to find some of my stuff on the trail!” He asks her what stuff might’ve fallen out, and she says, “My Tic Tacs, trail mix, and Chapstick!”

 

Every single day, several times a day, no matter where you’re working, you’ll see them coming at you. You know what they’re going to ask before they ask it, “Where is the garbage?” and you will tell them what numerous signs have already told them. “There is no garbage service in the park. It is 100% Pack It Out. Even we have to pack out all our own trash.” Most people, albeit grudgingly, accept that and take their trash back to their vehicles. Those who don’t will leave it when our backs are turned, so that we have the pleasure of packing it out for them in our personal trash. I must admit that I get a smidgeon of perverse pleasure watching people of all ages wander around, both hands full of trash and with perplexed looks on their faces, searching desperately for the garbage cans, before I’ll finally intervene and “help” them.

Related Funny: An adult male, standing almost directly in front of a large Pack It Out sign, asked his party, “Do you see a garbage can anywhere?” His friend replied loudly, “Read the sign, Bob!” That saying has now become part of my lexicon for use when someone is being particularly oblivious.

 We love when visitors espy plants and critters in the park, and we have three large white boards mounted to the side of the Contact Station on which they are encouraged to record their sightings. I present to you a couple of my favorites.

Chimunk! (and a runner-up, “crevasse”)

How many times do we have to tell you? No snacks!

 

 Related Funny: People returning from the dwellings ask with fatiguing frequency this exact question, almost always in the absence of photographic evidence, “We saw a snake/lizard/flower. What kind was it?”

 Last month, adult human poop was found in the middle of the dwellings trail. HUMAN! IN. THE. MIDDLE.!

A woman, upon seeing the sign for the kennels, asked me, “What are the kennels for?” I was temporarily speechless, fortunately, because what I was thinking was, “What are kennels ever for?”

Like food, non-service dogs are also not allowed up to the dwellings. It is amazing how many dogs suddenly turn into service animals (Nice try!) or how many can be squeezed into backpacks (Awww, cute! Still nope!) or how many will be traumatized because they were shelter dogs and can’t be left in cages (Then don’t leave it in a cage. Also, it can’t go up.)

Lazuli Bunting

Just the other day, I had a pair of little twin boys, who couldn’t have been more than four, come through completely outfitted in their Junior Ranger garb. They had the hats and vests with many badges and pins adorning both. They were very excited to earn their Gila badge. They were easily the youngest kids I’ve sworn in to date, and if they hadn’t had all their Junior Ranger bling, I likely wouldn’t have offered the booklets to them because they were so little. They, along with their parents (no surprise!) were the nicest, happiest, most well-behaved kids I have maybe ever seen.
Not so with all kids or even aspiring Junior Rangers, sadly.

Our food rule includes gum, and as an exception to the No Trash Service rule, we have a special little wooden box that attaches to our post at the Trailhead with a sign that reads “Deposit Gum Here.” We also specifically mention gum in the little speech we give before we usher people across the bridge.

So naturally, four kids arrived up at the dwellings one morning, each kid with a Junior Ranger booklet in hand, and every one of them chomping away on gum. I said, “Ohhhhh, kids, I am sure Ranger Nancy told you about gum before you came up?” They assured me she had not or they were in the bathroom when she did or they didn’t hear that part. There wasn’t much I could do at that point, but I wish I had carried through with my first instinct to radio Nancy and let her know that these kids needed to do all of the extra activities in the booklet before they could get their badges, especially since when we compared notes later, Nancy remembered them, and said she had made them all spit out their gum at the Trailhead when they came through the first time. That means they sneaked in more gum and lied to both of us. And that means, you can’t trust every Junior Ranger badge you see out there. And that makes me cry a little inside for kids like those twins.

 When the skies darken and storms begin to move in, I am frequently asked, “Will it rain?” I always enthusiastically say, “Yes!” Because it will. Eventually. Somewhere.

 Woman in the VC: What do the cattle guards keep out?

And now my favorite visitor story of the summer so far. TBG was working the Trailhead, and he gave the obligatory no-food speech. A guy asked, “Not even a watermelon?” TBG laughed thinking he was joking, but then to his astonishment, the guy pulled a WHOLE WATERMELON out of his backpack. He really couldn’t understand why he wasn’t allowed to take his treat up to the caves. According to him, packing a whole watermelon on a hike was a perfectly reasonable and common thing to do. He was quite crestfallen to have to leave his snack behind because, as he lamented to TBG, during the entire drive up, he had been daydreaming about sitting in the caves, enjoying his watermelon.

I leave you with a funny in a picture.

How Not to Park

 

COMMENTS

Shannon OK, Ken and I are both literally tearing up with laughter over this post. As a person who worked retail many summers/Christmas breaks in high school and college, I am quite familiar with the weird and wacky behavior of customers, and I can very easily see each of these anecdotes playing out. Ken, being of an existential bent, loved the “Sure, it will rain!” (someday) story. The frustrated, impatient me is more drawn to “Read the sign, Bob!” but all of these are just golden. “Rattlesnack” gets honorable mention, because it just makes so much sense,

Chasing Dirt Thank you! It was difficult to sort through my notes and choose which tales to share because I wanted to keep it funny but not discourage future park visitors or volunteers. As a fellow “insider,” I know you can really appreciate that. Someday when we’re sitting around a campfire in person, we will have endless tales to tell! Your favorites are mine, as well. I wonder if “rattlesnack” will ever get old? 😀

chapter3travels Hahaha! As one of the people who was looking forward to a long list of goofy tourist stories, these did not disappoint! Just the right amount of ‘duh,” “der,” and “seriously??” moments. I do find some of it a bit depressing really – the poop, the gum, etc, but mostly I can relate to being completely and utterly clueless at times, and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one. There is certainly hope with those littles though, and that’s nice to hear. Whatever happened to the watermelon anyway? Did he eat it in the parking lot or just bring it home, a sad reminder of what could have been?? 😂

Chasing Dirt Of course, I thought of you every time I made notes of the funny business (and spoiled some along the way, too!) I agree, some is very depressing and disappointing, but if I remember the total number of humans we moved through here this summer and think about the mayhem that could’ve been, things didn’t turn out that badly. I try not to think too much about why some people make such an effort to avoid rules simply because the rules exist. Then those mini-Rangers show up, and set the world right!

I think Watermelon Man had his snack when he got back to the parking lots and picnic tables, but I will have to confirm with TBG and get back to you! I do have great sympathy for him, especially since I know how much I would love to take my morning coffee up with me to enjoy before anyone else shows up at the caves. It is hard to be the kill-joy 😦

Pete Thank you for the smiles. it made this old mans day a little brighter.

Chasing Dirt You are very welcome, Pete! It makes me so happy to know my words and our pictures bring you joy 🙂

Laurel Okay, so I just gotta say that I think taking a whole watermelon along on a hike is a splendid idea. Well, as long as someone else carries it. My ex-husband used to carry watermelons on hikes, LOL!! Maybe it was him? It sounded like him.

I love your tale of the little Jr. Ranger twins. We have been astonished by the knowledge and enthusiasm of many of the kids who have attended our programs on Lopez Island (even some four-year-olds, who we initially thought were too young for the programs). It gives me hope for our world. The other little butt heads who were sneaking gum along the trail? Sadly, there are a few of those around, too.

“Read the sign, Bob!” hahaha! And “rattlesnack” LOL. Thanks for collecting these gems for us and sharing them. 🙂

Chasing Dirt Did you and Laura discuss the watermelon incident offline? LOL! She also thought that was pretty ingenious, too. It was just so unexpected! Did your ex carry a WHOLE one? Maybe it *was* him! I wonder if my dislike of watermelon plays into the weirdness for me? Ha!

I loved those little twin Junior Rangers, and really most of the kids who participated in that program. I choked up more than once during the swearing-in of several of them over the summer. We have to believe there is hope for the gum-sneakers of the world! I wish I had handled that a little differently. *sigh*

I still laugh every time I say “rattlesnack!” 😀

Lowe's Travels I think I messed up my commentary about the oblivious park visitors, I posted it on your blooming dales! See, I can not even post it correctly!
The Lazuli and the butterfly are almost identical in colors, I have the feeling that Bunting was the same one that posed for me in Idaho!
This is a funny post about people. Isn’t that heavy to carry a whole watermelon on a hike? Monsoon storms do give you beautiful sunsets, and I missed those southwestern sunsets.
I gave that parking job, a big zero, wow!